My neighbour's birthday is next week and she is adamant about no fuss. What is a way to mark it that respects that and still counts?

One answer

• "No fuss" almost always means "no audience", not "no acknowledgement". What people are refusing is being stood around, sung at, and made to perform gratitude in front of a room. Very few people are refusing to be thought about. So do something with no witnesses in it: a card through the door, something left on the step, a message on the actual day rather than at a gathering. Specific beats generous, too. A small thing she genuinely likes — the biscuits she buys, the flowers from her own garden's colour, the coffee from the place she walks to — says you were paying attention. Something large says you spent money, and puts her in the position of having to react to it, which is the fuss she said no to. One quiet test: if she can enjoy it alone, without having to thank anybody in the moment, you have got it right.

  @beingkind · an hour ago