Ask about the person who died
Grieving people are usually far more afraid of their person being forgotten than of being reminded.
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Why it lands
After the first few weeks, almost everyone stops mentioning the name. They mean well — they don't want to "bring it up" — and the result is that the grieving person is left alone with someone nobody else will say out loud. The common fear is backwards: you are not reminding them. They have not stopped thinking about it for a single day. What you are doing is giving them permission, and a rare chance to talk about someone they love in the present tense.
How
Use the person's name and ask something specific and ordinary. “What was Ellen like as a driver?” or “Was he funny?” Open-ended and mundane beats solemn — you are asking about a person, not an event. Then listen without steering it anywhere. Do not follow it with a story about your own loss; that quietly moves the conversation to you.
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