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Kind things to do for a friend

For people you already love and probably tell less often than you think. A surprising number of these are about saying a specific thing rather than doing a big one.

Showing 1–30 of 99 ideas

• Keep sending the birthday card after the divorce

  Children lose half their extended family in a separation, usually without anyone deciding that should happen.

  5 minutesUnder $10A friend

• Read the book your teenager is reading

  It gives you a subject that is not school, not their friends and not anything they have to defend.

  OngoingUnder $10A friend

• Give money without making it a loan

  A loan between friends creates a debt that outlasts the need. A gift, clearly stated, does not.

  5 minutesMore than $10A friend

• Find the subscriptions someone forgot about

  Most households pay for several things nobody uses. Finding them is an hour's work and a permanent saving.

  An afternoonFreeA friend

• Offer somewhere quiet without making it a thing

  Loud rooms are genuinely painful for some people, and asking for quiet in a group is socially expensive.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Let a child finish the sentence

  Adults complete children's sentences constantly, and the child learns that their version was not worth waiting for.

  5 minutesFreeA friend1 person did this

• Make leaving early unremarkable

  Chronic illness, anxiety and pain all mean sometimes going home. The hard part is having to explain in front of everyone.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Go to the thing even though it is dull

  The assembly, the match, the recital. Children scan the audience, and they are counting.

  An afternoonFreeA friend

• Learn the names of your child's friends

  Knowing who is who turns 'how was school' into a conversation that can actually go somewhere.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Buy the thing they would never buy themselves

  People under financial pressure cut the small pleasures first, and those are the ones that hold a life together.

  5 minutesMore than $10A friend

• Let a child overhear you praising them

  Praise reported to a third party is believed in a way that praise delivered directly is not.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Tell a freelancer what the going rate is

  People new to freelancing price from fear. One honest number from someone established resets it permanently.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Look, the tenth time they ask

  A child asking you to watch the same trick again is asking whether they are still interesting to you.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Teach a child something genuinely useful

  Changing a tire, wiring a plug, making one good meal. Competence is a form of confidence that lasts.

  An afternoonUnder $10A friend

• Stay in touch with the person who left

  People who leave a workplace, a church or a town are dropped quickly, and it is rarely a decision anyone made.

  OngoingFreeA friend

• Apologize to a child properly

  Adults rarely apologize downwards, and a child who is never apologized to learns that power decides who was wrong.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Answer a child as if they could understand

  Children ask real questions and get deflections. A serious answer is memorable precisely because it is so unusual.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Let a child help badly

  Doing it yourself is faster every single time, and the accumulated effect of that is a teenager who cannot cook.

  Half an hourFreeA friend

• Be in the same room doing nothing

  Children disclose things sideways, during dull shared time, not when asked directly how they are.

  Half an hourFreeA friend

• Put the real details in the invitation

  How long, how far to walk, whether there is seating. Missing details mean somebody has to ring and ask.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Check the venue before you invite someone

  Asking a disabled friend to check whether somewhere works puts the whole job on the person it affects.

  Half an hourFreeA friend

• Buy the work rather than praising it

  Artists, writers and makers get a great deal of encouragement and very little income. One is a great deal more useful.

  5 minutesMore than $10A friend

• Be the house where the friends come

  Teenagers need somewhere that is not a bedroom and not a street. Somebody's kitchen is the whole infrastructure.

  OngoingUnder $10A friend

• Tell a young person about your own failure

  Young people assume competent adults were always competent, which makes their own struggle feel disqualifying.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Write down the thing a child said

  Every parent believes they will remember. Almost none do, and the exact words are what disappear first.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Tell someone about money they are entitled to

  Billions in benefits, reliefs and refunds go unclaimed every year, mostly by people who do not know they qualify.

  Half an hourFreeA friend

• Find a chair before anyone asks

  Standing is the hidden barrier at parties, queues and exhibitions, and asking for a seat means explaining why.

  5 minutesFreeA friend

• Praise the effort where the result was bad

  A young person who worked hard and failed will be told the result was disappointing by everyone else.

  5 minutesFreeA friend1 person did this

• Help with the deposit, not the rent

  A one-off lump unlocks a situation. Ongoing help postpones one, and is far harder to stop.

  5 minutesMore than $10A friend

• Talk to the child who is not performing

  At any family gathering one child holds the room and another is under the table with a book.

  5 minutesFreeA friend