Browse
Kind things to do for a friend
For people you already love and probably tell less often than you think. A surprising number of these are about saying a specific thing rather than doing a big one.
Showing 61–90 of 99 ideas
Stay on the call after the bad news
Redundancies and rejections are usually delivered and then immediately followed by everyone logging off.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Give the introduction, not the advice
When a friend is stuck, the name of someone who has done it is worth more than your opinion about it.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Keep a child's routine running
When adults are consumed by an emergency, children lose the ordinary things that tell them the world still works.
OngoingFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Quietly pay for the thing they canceled
Money is the first thing to go in a crisis, and the cancellations are small, private and cumulatively demoralising.
5 minutesMore than $10A friend
Not rated yet
Tell a parent something good about their child
Parents hear from school when there is a problem. Positive observations from another adult are rare and enormously reassuring.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Ask about the hobby you find boring
Everyone has an enthusiasm their friends politely do not ask about. Asking properly once is a gift.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Apologize without explaining yourself
Most apologies contain a defense, which converts them into an argument the other person now has to have.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Say that you do not know what to say
Most people say nothing at all because they are waiting to think of the right thing. There isn't one.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Be the one who keeps the group chat going
Group chats die when everyone waits for someone else to post. Somebody has to be willing to look keen.
OngoingFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Let someone pay for you
Always insisting on paying can be a way of staying the one who gives. Accepting is its own kindness.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Read about it so they do not have to explain
People with a rare diagnosis spend their lives educating everyone around them. Arriving informed is a rest.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Find the specific service, not the general advice
Telling someone to get help is useless. Finding the actual local service with opening hours is not.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Cook for twelve, invite near-strangers
Adults stop making new friends largely because nobody hosts. A table is the cheapest social infrastructure there is.
An afternoonMore than $10A friend
Not rated yet
Set up a standing childcare swap
Two families alternating one evening a month gives both of them something neither could otherwise afford.
OngoingFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Take the photograph nobody is taking
In the last months of an illness, families stop taking pictures. Afterwards those are the ones they want most.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Use the dead person's name
People avoid the name to protect the grieving. The effect is that the person disappears from every conversation.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Ask the second question
Most conversations stop at the first answer. The interesting part is one question further in, and almost nobody goes.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Send the job to the one person it suits
Broadcasting a vacancy reaches nobody in particular. Sending it to one person with a reason changes their year.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Write the reference properly, or say you cannot
A tepid reference is worse than none, and the person asking has no way to know which one they are getting.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Send the thing that reminded you of them
A link with 'this is so you' is proof you thought about someone when they were not there. That is the whole message.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Make the first move after a long silence
Most estrangements are maintained by both sides waiting for the other, each assuming they are the wronged party.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Say it publicly, not just in the DM
Private praise is nice. Public praise is a credential that can be pointed at, quoted and used.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Offer to do the paperwork after a death
Bereavement comes with dozens of phone calls in which you explain, repeatedly, that someone has died.
An afternoonFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Turn up for the team that is losing
Supporting anything is easy when it is going well. The useful attendance is in a bad season.
OngoingUnder $10A friend
Not rated yet
Tell someone about the mistake you made
Sharing your own error is more useful than any advice, and far rarer, because it costs something to say.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Quietly cover the person who is skint
Someone stops coming out because they cannot afford it, and tells everyone they are busy instead.
5 minutesMore than $10A friend
Not rated yet
Say the compliment you thought but did not say
Most admiring thoughts about people we love are never spoken aloud, on the assumption that they already know.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Tell them the true answer when they ask for one
Reflexive reassurance is easier and less useful. Someone asking properly usually wants the real view.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Record them telling one story
Families consistently say the thing they wish they had is a recording of the voice, not more photographs.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet
Turn up and do the washing up
In a house dealing with a crisis, the visible undone tasks are a constant reproach nobody has the energy for.
Half an hourFreeA friend
Not rated yet