Write the reference properly, or say you cannot
A tepid reference is worse than none, and the person asking has no way to know which one they are getting.
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The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
References are one of the few remaining places where a few sentences from a stranger materially change someone's life. A lukewarm one — accurate dates, no warmth — reads as a warning, and the candidate never finds out why they stopped hearing back. The kind act is not automatically saying yes; it is either writing something genuinely useful or being honest enough to let them ask someone better.
How
If you can write it, be concrete: what they did, at what scale, and one thing they were better at than you. If you cannot, say so early and without drama: “I don't think I'd be your strongest referee — is there someone who saw more of your project work?”
Answer if you want. It changes which ideas are shown first.
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