Write the reference properly, or say you cannot
A tepid reference is worse than none, and the person asking has no way to know which one they are getting.
The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
References are one of the few remaining places where a few sentences from a stranger materially change someone's life. A lukewarm one — accurate dates, no warmth — reads as a warning, and the candidate never finds out why they stopped hearing back. The kind act is not automatically saying yes; it is either writing something genuinely useful or being honest enough to let them ask someone better.
How
If you can write it, be concrete: what they did, at what scale, and one thing they were better at than you. If you cannot, say so early and without drama: “I don't think I'd be your strongest referee — is there someone who saw more of your project work?”
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