Say that you do not know what to say
Most people say nothing at all because they are waiting to think of the right thing. There isn't one.
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The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
The commonest failure after a catastrophe is silence, and the reason is almost always fear of saying the wrong thing. But the bereaved and the seriously ill consistently report that clumsy contact was welcome and absence was not. Admitting you have no adequate words is itself adequate — it is honest, it makes no demand, and it names the thing everyone else is avoiding by avoiding them.
How
Say exactly that: “I don't know what to say and I didn't want that to stop me getting in touch.” Then stop, rather than filling the silence with something about fate or strength. Follow it with a concrete offer if you have one.
Answer if you want. It changes which ideas are shown first.
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