Ask now what they would want
Where they want to be, who decides, what they would refuse. Asked over tea it is a conversation. Asked in a corridor it is a crisis.
The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
Families who have never had this conversation end up having it in a hospital, between people who are frightened and disagreeing, and guessing. Families who have had it once find it enormously easier, and the person themselves usually finds it a relief — most older people have thought about this far more than their children have, and have been waiting for somebody to be willing to hear it. The reluctance is nearly always the younger person's.
How
Say plainly why you are asking: that you would rather know than guess. Ask where they would want to be looked after, who they want deciding, and what they would not want done. Write down what they say. Once is enough; you do not need to keep returning to it.
This is part of
A written list of what else helps in the same situation.
Related
Refill the one thing you keep rebuying
Pick a single household item and stop buying new packaging for it. One item, permanently, beats a good fortnight.
Half an hourUnder $10The planet
Read the form out loud for someone
Around one in six adults reads below the level most official forms are written at.
Half an hourFreeA neighbor1 person did this
Do the chore they hate, and never mention it
Every household has one job somebody dreads. Doing it silently is worth more than doing it and collecting the credit.
Half an hourFreeSomeone you live with
Hand in the thing you found, properly
A dropped wallet or phone handed to the right place is the difference between a bad afternoon and a ruined month.
Half an hourFreeA stranger
Write down the thing only you know
Every job has undocumented knowledge living in one head. Writing it down is a gift to a person you will never meet.
Half an hourFreeA stranger