Ask what they wish people would stop saying
Everyone going through something hard has a list of well-meant phrases that make it worse. Nobody ever asks.
The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
People in difficulty spend enormous energy managing other people's discomfort — reassuring the reassurers, absorbing platitudes graciously. Asking directly which phrases grate does two things: it spares them one source of that work with you, and it signals that you would rather be useful than comfortable. The answers are usually specific, surprising, and offered with relief.
How
Ask it plainly: “Is there anything people keep saying that you'd rather I didn't?” Then remember the answer and tell anyone else who is close to them, so they only have to say it once.
Related
Tell someone what you actually earn
Pay secrecy is maintained by people like you staying quiet, and it costs the people with least information the most.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Leave a note for your mail carrier
The person who walks to your door most days almost never hears from the people who live behind it.
5 minutesFreeA stranger2 people did this
Ask what the hardest part actually is
We assume we know which part of someone's situation is worst, and we are usually wrong.
5 minutesFreeA friend
Tell a carer what you noticed
Carers watch someone decline daily and lose sight of who they were. An outsider's observation gives that back.
5 minutesFreeA caregiver
Add alt text to your images
An image without a description is a blank space to anyone using a screen reader. Writing one takes twenty seconds.
5 minutesFreeA stranger