Ask what they wish people would stop saying
Everyone going through something hard has a list of well-meant phrases that make it worse. Nobody ever asks.
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The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
People in difficulty spend enormous energy managing other people's discomfort — reassuring the reassurers, absorbing platitudes graciously. Asking directly which phrases grate does two things: it spares them one source of that work with you, and it signals that you would rather be useful than comfortable. The answers are usually specific, surprising, and offered with relief.
How
Ask it plainly: “Is there anything people keep saying that you'd rather I didn't?” Then remember the answer and tell anyone else who is close to them, so they only have to say it once.
Answer if you want. It changes which ideas are shown first.
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