Check on the one who held it together
At every funeral one person organizes everything. They are the last to be asked how they are, often by months.
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Why it lands
Someone in every crisis becomes the competent one — booking the venue, ringing the relatives, managing everyone else's grief. Their competence is read as not needing anything, so the support flows past them to people who are visibly struggling. They usually collapse later and privately, once the logistics are finished and there is nobody left to organize.
How
Go to them specifically, a few weeks after the event: “You ran all of that. How are you actually doing?” Expect the deflection and ask again once. Offer something that does not require them to organize it.
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