Ask what the hardest part actually is
We assume we know which part of someone's situation is worst, and we are usually wrong.
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The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
Sympathy tends to target the headline — the diagnosis, the redundancy, the separation — while the thing actually grinding the person down is often mundane and adjacent: the commute, the paperwork, the sister who keeps ringing. Because nobody asks, the real difficulty goes unaddressed while everyone offers help with the part that is already handled.
How
Ask it directly: “What's the worst bit of this, actually?” Expect the answer to surprise you and do not argue with it. Then help with the thing they named rather than the thing you assumed.
Answer if you want. It changes which ideas are shown first.
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