Talk to the person, not over them
People who are ill or disabled are routinely discussed in the third person while sitting in the room.
Not rated yet
The BeingKind editorsPublished How this is written
Why it lands
It happens constantly and is done by kind people without noticing: the question about how they are sleeping goes to the carer while the person is a foot away. It communicates that they have moved from participant to subject. Carers hate it too, because it puts them in the position of speaking for someone who can speak, in front of them.
How
Address them directly and wait, even if the answer is slow or comes through the carer. Sit at their eye level. If they cannot respond verbally, still speak to them and then check with the carer, rather than the reverse.
Answer if you want. It changes which ideas are shown first.
This is part of
A written list of what else helps in the same situation.
Related
Invite the new family twice
The first invitation is often declined out of uncertainty. The second is the one that establishes it was real.
5 minutesFreeA neighbor
Learn to say their name properly
People with unfamiliar names spend their lives being mispronounced and told it does not matter.
5 minutesFreeA stranger
Ask whether it can be repaired, before you buy it
One question at the point of purchase decides the next ten years of that object.
5 minutesFreeThe planet
Leave a note for your mail carrier
The person who walks to your door most days almost never hears from the people who live behind it.
5 minutesFreeA stranger2 people did this
Ask what the hardest part actually is
We assume we know which part of someone's situation is worst, and we are usually wrong.
5 minutesFreeA friend