Collection
The weeks around Christmas
Christmas concentrates things. Whoever was lonely in October is lonelier in December, whoever was short of money is under real pressure, and a large number of people spend the day working so that everybody else does not have to.
None of these is a gift. Presents are the part of the season people already think about; this is the part they do not — the neighbor who will say they have plans, the carer whose card went to the household, the crew who have taken your rubbish away every week for a year.
One of these is deliberately not about Christmas at all. A great many people on your street are marking Eid, Diwali, Rosh Hashanah or nothing, and knowing which is the difference between including somebody and assuming them.
11 things you can do
In roughly the order they tend to be needed.
Ask in November. Nobody volunteers that they have nowhere to go, and in late December it is too late to do anything about it.
Find out who is on their own at Christmas
People will not volunteer that they have nowhere to go. The question has to be asked directly and early.
5 minutesFreeA neighbor
The card goes to the household and is read as being for the person who is ill. The carer gets nothing addressed to them.
Send the carer the card, not the household
Cards and gifts go to the patient or to the family. The carer receives almost nothing addressed to them alone.
5 minutesUnder $10A caregiver
They have passed your house every week for a year. This is the week to say so.
Leave something out for the refuse crew at Christmas
The crew that has taken your rubbish every week for a year passes your house in the dark in December.
5 minutesUnder $10A stranger
If you have less riding on the day than a colleague does, taking their shift is worth more than anything you could buy them.
Take the shift that ruins a family day
Someone on your team has small children, a religious holiday or a parent in hospital. The rota does not know that.
An afternoonFreeA friend
And if you cannot take it, turn up to whoever is working it with something.
Bring something to whoever has the worst shift
Someone is working Sunday night, the holiday, or the 5am open. They are having a different day than you.
Half an hourUnder $10A friend
Everybody knows when Christmas is. Knowing when somebody else's important day falls is the actual gesture.
Know when their important days are
Everyone knows when Christmas is. Far fewer know when Eid, Diwali or Rosh Hashanah fall, or acknowledge them.
5 minutesFreeA stranger
The partner and the teenagers of somebody new are usually more isolated than the person you actually know.
Invite the whole household, not just the one you know
Partners and teenagers of a newcomer are often more isolated than the person who has the job or the class.
5 minutesFreeA neighbor
December is built around drinking, which quietly excludes people in recovery, pregnant, or on medication.
Plan something that is not built around drinking
People in recovery, pregnant, on medication or simply not drinking are excluded from most adult socialising by default.
An afternoonUnder $10A friend
The season is full of group meals, and an even split is how somebody gets priced out of seeing their friends.
Split the bill by what people can actually pay
Dividing equally is simple and quietly excludes whoever ordered the cheapest thing for a reason.
5 minutesUnder $10A friend
The nativity costume, the trip, the boots. Children know exactly who went without.
Quietly pay for a child's kit
The boots, the instrument, the trip. Children drop out of things because of cost, and nobody is told why.
5 minutesMore than $10A neighbor
The first Christmas after a separation is when children find out how much of the family they kept.
Keep sending the birthday card after the divorce
Children lose half their extended family in a separation, usually without anyone deciding that should happen.
5 minutesUnder $10A friend